divided | ( closed ) and played my mind just like a toy;

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( closed ) and played my mind just like a toy;

After Matt's arm almost snaps in half underneath a car, Elena's not quite sure she has it in her to remain standing. Her feet move on their own accord, side-stepping bodies as they swarm towards the car and the ambulance that's come for Matt. She's looking for a dark mop of hair, hunched shoulders, and an attitude that sets him apart from all the other kids who smoke and internalise every little thing that they're feeling.

Her heart quickens as she can't find him or the straight shoulders and stiff posture of Isobel. Pushing through the crowds, she makes her way to the Grill in hopes of contacting him via his cell phone. It's her fault that Jeremy's hard to reach these days; as she became further and further involved in the Salvatore scandals of centuries past, she's been pushing her friends and family as far as she can away from herself. It's not intentional, but every choice she makes on their behalf pulls her away from their circle of reach. She hates how Jeremy seems to look at her and see a stranger, how there's a glint in Bonnie's eyes that still doesn't forgive her for what happened to Grams.

Call it luck or coincidence, she finds Jeremy in the Grill. She's not sure what he's doing here, but she sure hopes to block his attempts at moving even further away from her. "Jeremy!" she calls out, unnecessary for such an empty space. The energy's based outside, not inside for once, and it's taking her a few moments too long to grasp her sea legs. Making her way towards him, she pleads, almost tripping over her own feet, "Jeremy, please talk to me. Let me explain."

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It's that awkward time of afternoon, when the crowd at the Grill is down to just a few lingering midday alcoholics, mindlessly nursing their scotch and bourbon amidst a bustling waitstaff prepping for the impending dinner shift. Jeremy debates clocking in early to help but finds himself drawn to the back instead, grabbing a cue stick from off of the wall—intent on working out some of his frustrations first.

The inaugural crack of leather tip on acrylic ball has a satisfyingly cathartic effect. From there, Jeremy slowly makes his way around the table, foregoing speed for precision, calculating angles and lining up all of his shots just so. He's finally bearing down on the eight ball, about to bank it off the rail cushion and straight into the corner pocket, when Elena calls for him. Instinct commands he looks up then and the distraction costs him the entire game; the cue ball goes whizzing past its intended target, bounces hard off multiple bumpers, and finally slows to a stop not too far from where it started.

Jeremy exhales sharply, the palm of his free hand smacking down lightly against the felted surface at the same time as he snaps: "What's there to explain?"

Elena comes to stand on the opposite end of the pool table. She keeps her distance, despite wanting to be closer to Jeremy. She gets that he needs space, but she's not willing to give him the entire Grill. Unsure of what Isobel has up her sleeve, she doesn't want Jeremy acting out against her and somehow getting himself killed by provoking the wrong person - or vampire. Too many people are already losing themselves and their lives because of her. She knows if she were to lose Jeremy, in any way, shape, or form, it will be completely devastating.

Gripping the lip of the table, Elena tries not to hurl herself over towards him. Keeping that distance sure is hard when all she wants to do is grab his shoulders and either shake him or pull him to her and never let go. "Why I did it," she says, her voice desperate, pleading for him to hear her out and get it. He doesn't owe her that, or anything, after she took away his choice to feel grief over Vicki, but she did it to ensure his safety. He has to get that; she'd do anything to ensure he's safe. "I didn't want you to be hurting any more, Jer. Knowing these things … What happened to Vicki …" She's not sure where to start, now that she's faced with this conversation she knew would be inevitable. Her mouth pulls down and her tone slips from being desperate to something tired and sad, "It's dangerous."

Jeremy's teeth grind down with the effort it takes not to speak over her; she's his sister, something he still respects deep down even if she's done a piss poor job at showing him the same consideration in return.

"For me, but not for you?" he finally demands, nostrils flaring - the disbelief in his tone easily apparent. "I'm not a child, Elena. You don't get to just decide how my life will go without even talking to me about it.

"But you know what the worst part is? If it were still completely up to you, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. You're not sorry you did it - you're just sorry you got caught."

"I am sorry I did it Jeremy," she says it quickly, like it's an automatic response. She feels horrible for the pain she's causing him. Her reasons for compelling his memories away are to lessen the pain he's already feeling. It never did occur to her that it might do the complete opposite of what she wanted. She wants to take a step closer, but she doesn't want to push him over the edge he's precariously standing on.

A part of her is backtracking because she's sorry she did get caught. Jeremy's not meant to be in this life, in this constant state of danger, and she's feeling guilty for bringing him into it while also trying to keep him out of it and hurting him even more. Being the big sister is one job she keeps on getting wrong. "I only asked Damon to do it so you wouldn't be overwhelmed with grief. You've lost too much already."

"You want to do me a favor? You want to help? Then how about this - next time you get that urge? Don't." His words are unnecessarily harsh; barbed spikes, meant to dig deep into their target and burn where they stick. In time, he'll do his own apologizing. But for right now? He just wants to get as far away from Elena as possible... Somewhere he can have his space and just unwind. Somewhere she won't (can't) follow... Somewhere that just isn't the Grill.

Of course he'll have to pray that someone else can take his shift, but he can't even find it in himself to be too worried about that right now.

He leaves the pool cue standing against the table, fetching his jacket from where it hangs off the back of a nearby stool. And then he moves to pass her by, sparing only the coolest of glances. "Tell Jenna I'll be home late. Don't wait up."

Elena stands where she is, arms pathetically hanging by her sides, as she watches him move and never stop. He's always moving away from her; either he's the one orchestrating the distance between them or it's her. No matter what she says or does, there's a wedge fitting itself keenly between them and she hates it. It only seems to slot itself further into position. She's losing her brother and she has no idea how to hold onto him; every effort has him moving further away.

She thinks he might stop and let her in for just one moment, give her a sliver of hope that maybe everything is going to end on a high note at the end of this. But good things don't grace Mystic Falls any more. When he grabs his jacket, she feels the urge to try and fix this now, but no matter what she says, nothing will be the bandaid that patches this up. It can't be fixed in the Grill and it cant be fixed right now. For once, Elena doesn't have the words.

"Jer -" She thinks to follow him, turning around as much so she can watch him, but she knows Jeremy needs his space. She just hopes that his space is nowhere near Isobel.

"Please," she starts, but her thought stops there. Her feet don't move, despite her mind telling them to. She's stuck on the spot as she lets her brother go, again, and submerge himself into even deeper and dangerous waters. "Be careful," she says, and it's the least helpful thing she's done since this entire thing started.

Jeremy's not scared of Anna. But Elena's last plea pulls a wry smile from him as he thumbs over her name in his phone's contact list. After a moment he presses down to dial, listening impatiently as it rings until finally going to voicemail. He clears his throat, eager to talk with her but not wanting to show it.

"Hey Anna. It's me. ... Jeremy. I was just, uh, wondering what you were doing... And I guess maybe see if you wanted to come hang out tonight or something. Well, give me a call back when you have the chance, okay? I'll probably be out late, so don't worry about the time. ... Later."

There's another slight pause before he hangs up, feeling just a bit ridiculous.

Anna's attention has been split for the last few days; her thoughts drag on about the newfound vampire plot that she knows has a large change of failing, what with the no-brains behind the wheel, and her thoughts flutter to Jeremy at the most inappropriate of moments. She hasn't given herself a chance to enjoy anything during her years of searching for a way to pull her mother out of the tomb. And now that she has what she wants, she's suddenly overwhelmed by these teenage feelings she'll always be trapped inside, like a cocoon. Anger and determination she can navigate without hitting any bumps in the road, but this is an entirely new realm for her.

She pulls away from the vampire group, planning on leaving them alone for a while for their plan to properly formulate in their minds while she thinks of the many holes she can create counter-attacks for. She has no intentions of helping them with their task; if asked months ago, she would, without a doubt, but things change and alliances shift. Leaving the building, she stops on the sidewalk where her hands automatically pull her phone from her handbag.

A part of Anna thinks about ignoring his voicemail, after she hears it, but the overwhelming part that's desperate for companionship, and specifically, Jeremy's, has her scrolling through her options on her phone. She no longer has a mission and therefore has no excuses to continue denying the pull she feels whenever she's around Jeremy Gilbert. Sometimes she wonders if this is what her mother had felt, all those years ago. She thinks about calling him, but she doesn't want to just hear his voice.

meet me near the bench at the center of the town. you'll know which one.

And if Jeremy feels ridiculous, Anna's big grin makes her feel even more so. She has no idea if he's free now, or if he wants to meet up at this very moment, but she's planning on sitting at that bench like one of the losers in those romantic films and wait for him. She begins to head towards the park bench she once made a deal with Damon Salvatore on; it seemed like one of the luckiest spots in the town.

Jeremy's phone vibrates in his pocket and he feels a little thrill jolt through him. Scrambling, his reply to her comes just seconds later: Yeah, sure, I'll be there asap.

He's only about a 5-minute ride from the center of town as it is, but sudden inspiration strikes and he points his skateboard in a different direction instead. It's not until a good half hour passes by that he shows up to the square, wind-tussled and toting a boxed carafe of coffee and a little brown bag with two paper cups and all the accoutrements.

It doesn't take long to spot her sitting there at the bench, waiting for him. Her back is to him but even at this distance he knows she must have already heard him approach. His skateboard rolls to a stop just offside the curb and he kicks it up into the lush wedge of grass where it'll be safe from passing vehicles. "Anna!" he calls out unnecessarily, just because he likes the taste of her name in his mouth. Grinning widely, he starts towards her at a slow jog.

A.S.A.P. generally means as soon as possible; when Anna opens the text message, she expects to see Jeremy within minutes. When minutes pass into almost teetering on half an hour, she has to wonder whether this is some plot of Damon's (or Elena's) to get her to stay far away from their plans and, ultimately, Jeremy. She begins to grow anxious, debating whether or not she should send him another text, something that would come off as clingy and pushy, but decides against it. Feet bouncing along the ground, she keeps her eyes peeled for any part of him that wanders into the town square. She's already lost so many people over the course of time. Anna isn't a stranger to it, but she's wanting to break the cycle; finding her mother has given her the determination to do so. The fear still gnaws at her, a slip of humanity that she wants to bury deep and forget but won't allow herself to.

The sound of a rolling skateboard has her paying it no mind, but it's when she hears his voice that she turns around, as if surprised, smiling wide at the sight of him. Quietly, as if forgetting his ears don't extend this far, she says, "Jeremy." Standing up, she begins to approach him; a walk to his jog, she keeps her feet moving at a steady pace. It's hard to shake the smile now that he's here.

When she reaches him, her eyes glance towards the items in his hands, but she keeps her own hands in her pockets and her gaze on him; jumping to conclusions is something she doesn't want to do right now. Enjoying the moment, however, is. "Did you happen to get lost?"

Jeremy has the good graces to at least appear sheepish as he smiles down at her. "Hey, yeah, sorry about that. I thought maybe with the weather like it is, it'd be good to have something warm, you know? Apparently I wasn't the only one with that idea. The line at Starbucks was pretty wicked."

He reaches to snake the arm that isn't carrying the carafe around her midsection, drawing her into a sloppy embrace. She's so tiny in comparison to him, but inside that slight frame he knows lurks a strength beyond his wildest imagination. It should scare him, but it doesn't; he trusts her implicitly.

"Sorry," he mumbles again into her hair, enjoying the faint fragrance of shampoo. "I didn't even think or stop to ask if you like coffee, I just kind of really wanted to surprise you..."

In all the years she has been alive, she has never met someone like Jeremy. His heart is on his sleeve and it's so enormous that she's not quite sure what she did to get into his good graces. He's nothing like the man who held the Gilbert name back when she was by her mother's side; the apple fell very far from the tree with Jeremy.

She wonders what his arm is doing when it seems to slither around her waist. Trying to be normal, in any sense of the word, is new for Anna; having been on the path of vengeance for so long, it's hard to sit back and enjoy the life she had missed out on. She leans into his embrace, shifting to the point where her side bumps into him. "I'm surprised," she smiles. Her own arm goes around his waist loosely. "And I like coffee." She's sure she's blushing when she says the cheesiest thing to ever come out of her mouth, "Especially when it's with you. You didn't have to get anything, Jeremy."

Looking up at him, she says, "I figured you just wanted to hang, right?"

His heart warms considerably at her words; they're a better antidote against the cold than any beverage could ever hope to be. "Yeah... I wanted to see you, more than anything else." He worries sometimes, that she still thinks he's hung up on Vicki. And maybe a small part of him always will be, given the traumatic circumstances surrounding her death and everything that followed. But when he wakes up in the morning, it's Anna that he first thinks of. Just as it's Anna that he finds himself daydreaming about in class, or when he's wiping down tables, or especially when he needs someone to turn with all these bottled up emotions like earlier.

She just seems to get him, in a way that nobody else in his life ever has. But more than just what she can do for him, Jeremy thinks often about what he can do for her now, wanting so desperately to be the man his ancestors were not. Prove to her that she has nothing to fear from him, that she can rely on him for anything - including a happy, normal life.

"Your mom's not going to be too pissed that you're out with me?" He suddenly thinks to question, brows furrowing.

Anna's pretty sure she's blushing. Jeremy has the uncanny ability to make her feel like she's merely a girl, susceptible to these feelings rather than being a creature that's able to combat them and use them to her own advantage without a slip of remorse. She likes that he makes her feel human again.

She bites her lip for a moment. Her mother disapproves out of fear of what happened to her and Jonathan Gilbert repeating with her own daughter. She assumes her mother might also dislike her hanging out with Jeremy because she's incapable of gaining closure on her feelings for his ancestor. Hesitating a moment, she knows she might come to regret her words, "What she doesn't know won't hurt her." She shifts slightly on the seat. Realising how that sounds, like he's some dirty secret, she quickly amends, "Not that she doesn't know about you. It's just … I don't like to tell her everything. I like to keep what happens between us ... between us." She feels a little shy at the end. Jeremy Gilbert isn't her dirty little secret that she's ashamed of. He's the person she wants to spend the most time with, and keeping that a secret keeps him out of harm's way.

For all of Pearl's apparent mistrust of him, at least she hasn't yet tried to compel him to stay away from her daughter; Jeremy's no longer sure that if Elena had the same chance, she wouldn't take it with him and Anna. And it's beyond frustrating that she can't--won't--even see the hypocrisy of her own behavior.

"I think my sister knows about us," he admits with a slight frown. "But I'm not one hundred percent sure and I haven't wanted to bring it up yet given... everything. I mean, we had a pretty big fight earlier today and she basically already told me that she doesn't want me caught up in this whole vampire business, that it's too dangerous. As if me not knowing would paint any less of a target on my back at this point."

Anna's not quite sure how to feel about Elena. She understands her need to protect her brother, as she had the exact same feelings towards her mother, but keeping him in the dark, treating him as if he were a child, only puts him in even more danger. Anna knows ignorance kills more than knowledge.

She doesn't want to say Jeremy's already caught up in it all. He has been since the day he was born into Elena Gilbert's family. Those close to the doppelgänger are always in danger. Anna learned that the hard way.

She doesn't respond to that. Instead, her brows furrow together slightly, gnaws on her bottom lip before releasing it to say, "Has she said anything?" What Elena does and does not know, what she thinks she knows, could be dangerous for the both of them. And Anna needs to plan for it.

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( closed ) and played my mind just like a toy;

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i am so sorry ;o;