[ it's always gotten under her skin when people know things she feels like she should know but doesn't. maybe that's why she stares at him with a look of frustrated curiosity when he tells her he knows the answer to his own stupid question. maybe that's why she doesn't punch him, but reaches out for his arm, her iron grip strong enough to keep him from getting far. she knows her own strength; it's not enough to hurt him, but he'd probably like it if it did. ]
Then show me.
[ she's not sure why she doesn't say tell me, because that seems like the obvious response, it's just... show me somehow felt more appropriate. she's always been more hands on, a visual learner who learns by example and practice; she knows she doesn't listen. listening isn't one of her strong suits. everything's always in one ear and out the other. but if he shows her...
she doesn't even know what he'd show her exactly. she doesn't know what to expect from any of this. why would she want anything from him after everything he did? part of her thinks maybe she deserves it, that maybe this is her retribution for letting her friend die. she never did say she was sorry, couldn't bear to, not even as silena lay dying in her arms. she never told her she loved her, either.
then she went and fucked things up with chris, the only other person who meant anything to her. she's always been too stubborn to admit she was wrong, never apologizes for anything. it's pushed people out of her life, gotten her friends killed, and now... now, here she is, asking luke castellan, of all people, for help. he used to be her friend once; he used to be someone she respected, looked up to. he might have even been considered a role model, a mentor at some point, someone to strive to be like. percy certainly used to think so. clarisse always thought he was at least impressive with a sword.
it's a complicated mess inside her head, so many different feelings she doesn't want to face swimming around at full speed. she's angry at herself for whatever it is she's doing, whatever this thing with luke means — she's angry she can't just let go. but she's giving him a chance she never thought she would, and maybe that's already a step in the right direction. ]
no subject
Then show me.
[ she's not sure why she doesn't say tell me, because that seems like the obvious response, it's just... show me somehow felt more appropriate. she's always been more hands on, a visual learner who learns by example and practice; she knows she doesn't listen. listening isn't one of her strong suits. everything's always in one ear and out the other. but if he shows her...
she doesn't even know what he'd show her exactly. she doesn't know what to expect from any of this. why would she want anything from him after everything he did? part of her thinks maybe she deserves it, that maybe this is her retribution for letting her friend die. she never did say she was sorry, couldn't bear to, not even as silena lay dying in her arms. she never told her she loved her, either.
then she went and fucked things up with chris, the only other person who meant anything to her. she's always been too stubborn to admit she was wrong, never apologizes for anything. it's pushed people out of her life, gotten her friends killed, and now... now, here she is, asking luke castellan, of all people, for help. he used to be her friend once; he used to be someone she respected, looked up to. he might have even been considered a role model, a mentor at some point, someone to strive to be like. percy certainly used to think so. clarisse always thought he was at least impressive with a sword.
it's a complicated mess inside her head, so many different feelings she doesn't want to face swimming around at full speed. she's angry at herself for whatever it is she's doing, whatever this thing with luke means — she's angry she can't just let go. but she's giving him a chance she never thought she would, and maybe that's already a step in the right direction. ]